Confessions are Delicate Affairs

I had an affair. It didn’t start lusty, hot, heavy, or sweaty but before I knew it I was taken with this man that was not my husband. I woke on a daily basis in my own bed after sleeping beside the man that I had vowed to spend my life with and promised myself that I would be done that day. I would end things and do them the way I was supposed to. Then, the hours of of the day would tick by and I would hear the whispers of my heart telling me that there is no way I can put this fire out. It is burning much too brightly.

My marriage was over. It was over before I allowed my heart to stray. I know this because there is not a chance in the world that another man could steal my heart today. It was my mother who said to me in my kitchen the day that I confessed that I was in love with another man that there is no way that would have happened if my marriage was healthy and if I loved my husband.

Still, it took me over two years to work up the guts to leave my comfortable home in pursuit of my own happiness that was for sure so selfish of me to want with two young children. The truth, I know now, is that my children are happy with two happy parents. The most important lessons I can teach them is to reach for their dreams and to do what makes them happy. My dreams of having a nucelar family ended up not being what was in the cards for me and that is okay.

I still get a lot of flack from people because of the choices that I made. I am not perfect and mistakes were made along the way. Feelings were hurt on many different sides but look where we are now. Pain would have happened regardless and relationships are messy.

I fell in love while I was married but not with my husband. I fell in love with myself and the knowledge that I deserved more. I was no longer happy living a passive life rather I had needs and desires that were not being met.

Surely you have heard the old phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” but sometimes that isn’t the case. I do find sleeping around inside of a marriage to be wrong- I am not proud of it at all.

I am happy to put those years behind me and to continue to build my amazing family that I am blessed to have. It may not be how I imagined it but I wouldn’t want it any other way.

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