Faith in the Front Row

I have never felt closer to God than I do today. I will feel even more close to God tomorrow. I sat in church today with the love of my life beside me and I held his hand while we worshiped the Lord who has blessed us so much. With every word the Pastor spoke it felt as though he was speaking straight to us and our situation.

The Lord has delivered us from the power of darkness and has translated us into the Kingdom of the Son of his love.

How blessed am I? Hallelujah.

Blueberries on his Face

Your child struggling is the worst. It’s so hard to see them have so many issues and anxiety over things. Last year, my oldest child had a rough transition into school and it was a battle all year long. He woke up with tummy aches every single morning and had nothing nice to say about it when he got home. This year is a complete difference and transformation from last year. I am not sure if it is just old hat for him now or if the school he’s in makes a difference- could be both!

This year, however, we are battling with a different child’s struggles. Now, he struggled last year too but it was more mild or well hidden than the issues this year. His issues are behavior both in and outside of school and they are progressively getting worse and worse. From not bringing home assignments and vital pieces of school work/supplies to smearing blueberries all over his face to make the other kids laugh we feel like we are in over our heads.

His behavior feels as though it could be helped if we had cooperation from his other parent and since we don’t get any of that, it is even more difficult to correct. The teacher sends sometimes weekly emails home about her feelings of being stuck and unable to help him. He is a constant disruption to the class. We spend every day after school and on the weekends trying to teach him the habits he needs to go off in the world only to have it all cancelled out over a night at Mom’s house.

Mom is the Disneyland parent and ALWAYS has been. It’s a free for all over there and the rest of us are suffering so badly. But the one that is suffering the most is this child who can’t understand why he keeps getting in trouble everywhere and then can be perfect at Mom’s. Well, my dear boy, that is because instead of parenting you, you are being put in front of a tablet or a video game console where you can zone out of reality for hours and she sees a little angel.

Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, we parents are attempting to build proper habits, common sense, motivation, and focus in 50% parenting time.

So, for now we keep the faith and walk the uphill battle knowing that the children, the teachers, and the therapists know who is really committed to helping this child succeed. We will prevail over the lazy and neglectfulness and he WILL succeed!

Look out: we are raising some super amazing children to be productive members of society and NOTHING/NOONE will stand in our way!!

Confessions are Delicate Affairs

I had an affair. It didn’t start lusty, hot, heavy, or sweaty but before I knew it I was taken with this man that was not my husband. I woke on a daily basis in my own bed after sleeping beside the man that I had vowed to spend my life with and promised myself that I would be done that day. I would end things and do them the way I was supposed to. Then, the hours of of the day would tick by and I would hear the whispers of my heart telling me that there is no way I can put this fire out. It is burning much too brightly.

My marriage was over. It was over before I allowed my heart to stray. I know this because there is not a chance in the world that another man could steal my heart today. It was my mother who said to me in my kitchen the day that I confessed that I was in love with another man that there is no way that would have happened if my marriage was healthy and if I loved my husband.

Still, it took me over two years to work up the guts to leave my comfortable home in pursuit of my own happiness that was for sure so selfish of me to want with two young children. The truth, I know now, is that my children are happy with two happy parents. The most important lessons I can teach them is to reach for their dreams and to do what makes them happy. My dreams of having a nucelar family ended up not being what was in the cards for me and that is okay.

I still get a lot of flack from people because of the choices that I made. I am not perfect and mistakes were made along the way. Feelings were hurt on many different sides but look where we are now. Pain would have happened regardless and relationships are messy.

I fell in love while I was married but not with my husband. I fell in love with myself and the knowledge that I deserved more. I was no longer happy living a passive life rather I had needs and desires that were not being met.

Surely you have heard the old phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” but sometimes that isn’t the case. I do find sleeping around inside of a marriage to be wrong- I am not proud of it at all.

I am happy to put those years behind me and to continue to build my amazing family that I am blessed to have. It may not be how I imagined it but I wouldn’t want it any other way.